Jamie's Trick A Kiss In Time

You'd get to see me walk out from the shower, too

That might not be a bonus, but it is nonetheless, part of living with Jamie.  After two wonderful years with my sweetpea, I find myself back in the market for a new roommate.  Trav is moving out at the end of the month, and I need someone to take his place.  Fast.

Just think of the possibilities--living with Jamie 24/7.  Well, not really.  I mean, I have a job.  And a life.  So really, it's more like dinners, bar outings, and the occasional group shower.

Here's the scoop:

I live in a terrific English basement apartment right on the main drag of 17th street.  Washer/dryer, fireplace, private back patio, terrific neighbors (think Rachael, Monica, Joey, and Chandler, except we're all boys.  And queer.  But still fabulous.  You know you watched them in envy; now you can have it).

My apartment is host to the 5th Annual New Year's Eve Liquor Toss, Capitol Pride - Angels and Demons: Heaven and Hell, and ... well, something else in works that I can't yet divulge.  But look at me, I'm getting all ahead of myself.  Let's get back to the meat of the dish.

The joint is fully furnished: couch, 2 over-stuffed chairs with accompanying ottomans, coffee table, wine rack and table, dining room suitable for entertaining, a new water heater, blah blah blah.  There's a private back patio, and it's pretty much the norm to see us all on the stoop come Fridays for a cookout and wine.  Trust, you won't be disappointed.

So that's it.  If you're interested, drop me a line.  Ideally, I'd like someone who can not just tolerate my silliness, but also compliment it.  I work hard and play hard (unless I'm grumpy, and then I stay home).  You should be, well, amazing.  :)

Angels and Demons

The Bible is full of fire and brimstone, perhaps nowhere more evident than in the unending battle between good and evil, Heaven and Hell.

The 17th Street Stoop House has taken this immortal struggle to a new level during DC Pride, and on Pride Weekend--June 10th--invites all of DC's proud angels and demons to come by for a night you’ll never forget.

Jon & Jack will be hosting Heaven upstairs, where sinful pleasure and unending decadence will be the order of the day. Jamie & Travis will be hosting Hell downstairs, where devilish imps will haunt the night, your dreams, and possibly your bed.

Join us for unparalleled debauchery and the pleasure of beautiful men. Costumes are encouraged & prizes will be awarded!

The party has come and gone, and the clean-up nearly complete.  There were probably 150 people, and it was by far, the best party we've thrown.  Toby was on hand signing autographs on people's...  well, I really shouldn't say where.  Obviously, we'll have to figure out a way to top this for the annual new year's liquor toss, but for now I'm pooped.  It was a hell of a weekend.  har har.

Pictures of the event below!  Note the blured effect to protect the guilty.  ;)

Be all you can be: The Army Party (lube and condoms supplied)

Every now and then the tedious and monotonous portion of my job throws me a bone.  Hmm, so if I go and enlist, can I request my barrack assignment?  I wonder what kind of partying goes on...  hopefully the kind of partying like Fort Bragg's; now they know how to make use of a party barrack.

And that's what makes me, Jamie, proud to be an American

This is ridiculous: The lead story on CNN.com is something about some stupid horse.  Yes, you read that correctly.  In all the world, the most important piece of news CNN thinks you should have today is that a horse's surgery has a 50/50 shot at being successful.  Now that's really fuckin pathetic.  Like, who gives a royal fuck about a horse.  A horse!  I can't make this up.

Well thank God he's eating, because I was a little nervous that he might not be wanting his post-surgery snack.  I will sleep well tonight knowing that this horse is getting the best veterinarian care money can provide.  And evidently, he's horny too.  Whew.  Good to know we have a hungry, horny horse in the country.

Now I know following pales in comparison--I mean, because what could possibly be more important for Americans to know other than the health status of a horse--but just in case you might be wondering, there is a whole other world out there.  I am sad to report, however, that this outside world has no front page news story on our beloved hero, the horse.  Shame on you, world.  Shame.  Obviously you do not hold the same high caliber degree of journalism respect as your colleges at CNN.  BBC News would rather you know about the new Cabinet of Iraq, the death of a WHO leader (like Americans know what--or who--the WHO might be), and of course Montenegro's successful vote to secede from Serbia.  Monte-what?

Perhaps I'm a bit bothered that after spending a week in Holland, I return to the US--wanting to catch up on current American news--and find a big fuckin headline about a horse.  [rolls eyes]

Flight 946 leaves Dulles for Amsterdam at 5:30 tonight...

Yeah, I got your 30 minute meal right here

Those who know me, know I'm the last one to judge another.  [cue rolling eyes from the audience]  Oh, whatever.  It's just one of my many offerings.  I say out loud what others only dare to think.  Sometimes.

Recently, I've become this huge cooking whore.  No, seriously.  I come home, change into my athletic wear--cause I'm such the athlete--and plop down in front of the Food Channel.  Go ahead, mock me if you like, but I'm the one who can now cook (from scratch) some delish meals and impress my date.  Not too shabby, eh.  I tend to focus on the foundations, like which ingredients work well together, and how long things need to cook.  Go ahead and try making something with a main course and four sides, and see if you can get them all to finish at the same time.  Go on!  Try it.  Ha!  I laugh at your feeble attempt.  Timing is everything.

Many cooking programs and chefs irritate the hell out of me.  Emeril comes to mind.  Who enjoys that?  I mean, the audience applauds when he throws in some ginger or Worcestershire sauce.  Like he discovered bay leaves or something.  Please.  Rachael Ray also gets under my skin.  Can she please stop smiling for just one fucking minute?!  One!  And the talking with the hands--yes, ok, we all get it.  You're animated.  Now, go and chop something.  And since you're so big on abbreviations (EVOO), see if you can figure this one out.  STFU.

Stewie, the inspiration

As if we, the gays, needed more evidence of our love affair with The Family Guy.  Anyone care to take a guess from where the inspiration for the Gay Games 2006 medals arose?  Yeah.  Cute.

I think it probably best that Stewie himself speak to show just why we (the gays, in case you had forgotten) identify with him so strongly.

Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

How many times have you said that in your head.  You find yourself in that horrible situation--trapped with no where to go.  You're at the bar, and see that unfortunate soul you know is going to walk up and try talking your ear off.  Of course, we all know that whether or not that thought finds its way down to your mouth and out toward our boring, annoying friend is directly proportionate to the number of blue drinks long islands you've enjoyed multiplied by the time you've had to wait line to get said drinks.

It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I have no problem. There's always been a lot of tension  between Lois and me. And it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, 'My God wouldn't it be marvelous if i turned out to be a homosexual?'

You know, I think that one just speaks for itself.  No commentary necessary.

Another day, another year

Yesterday was my big 27, and while I don't remember all the events that occured, Toby does.  I loves me some Toby.  Oh, and for the record: I am a top.  ;-)

I'm at Disney World, bitches

It's pretty ridiculous having a blog, yet not writing and publishing, wouldn't you say?  Besides the seemingly endless amount of teasing my friends provide, there has been a slight sense of personal guilt, albeit only surface thick.  The reasons for my absence are long and varied--ooh, how cliche--but in the end it comes down to a simple matter of will. 

Believe it or not, I do actually write a lot.  There's too much in my mind to not write; I think my head would burst if I didn't vent my thoughts.  And I don't see a therapist, so this is my release, and you all used to be my muse.  Now, don't go and start thinking that I'm throwing shade at ya--there's no snapping going on here.

The last few months of 2005 produced the loss of many of my dear friends.  A very large portion of my core group moved away, and it... well, it just sucks.  The Brit and the Dutch moved back to Europe.  Dboy moved to Boston for law school, Ashley went to Chicago to open a restaurant, and Keegan relocated to South Africa (yeah, your guess is as good as mine on that one).

What boggles my blog-mind is that so many of you continue to come here.  The number of visitors has barely dropped at all since the beginning of the year (a few hundred a day).  Last Saturday at Velvet (ugh, I know I know, please no lectures... side note: For the last few years, I've been telling myself that I'm too old for all that nonsense there, but this past weekend I realized I've had it all wrong.  I'm not too old--I'm just over it all.  "Cute" naked boys running around throwing attitude with every swish of the hip is more of an annoyance than a turn-on.  I counted no fewer than seven guys wearing dark sunglasses.  One boy had his tshirt flipped over his neck--yes that's right: like we did in second grade so as to not get in trouble for taking our shirt off.  No really--I can't make this shit up!)

Where was I?  Oh right--people reading my blog.  It's terribly flattering when someone recognizes me from my online presence, and approaches me to say hello.  It is!  However, there are right and wrong ways to make a first impression.  Allow me to lend some advice that while probably obvious, is often times forgotten:

- If you spill your drink all over me, please go beyond the obligatory "sorry" and grab some napkins. They are conveniently located right at the bar.  Bonus points if you buy me a round.
- If you spill my drink, buy me another one.  Pretty simple.
- If you're wearing high heels and your alcohol-induced stumble finds your shoe on my toe, don't look surprised when I shove your skanky ass to the ground.  You've been warned.
- If I look grumpy, I'm probably in a bad mood (ie, long rough day at work).  It's probably best to let me be and allow me clutch my Miller Lite, and stare at the videos playing on the tvs.
- Just because you're attractive doesn't mean I'm interested in you. 
- If you grab my ass, you'd better be hot, and be prepared for me to grab somethin else...
- Just because you're older doesn't mean I wouldn't want to have a conversation with you.  But just as an fyi: I only date guys who grew up with the Thundercats.
- If you were born after Challenger, move on.  If you even have to ask what Challenger means, move on.
- Ok, last one...  I'm actually a really nice, fun, funny guy! Come say hi, but please smile.  I adds a lot to your face value.  Ha, get it?!  Face value!

Because writing intelligent code for the ads is asking too much

Puts a whole new spin on the "date out of your league," but just think how happy my folks would be.

You know I love ya more than my luggage

Beware of Toby, should you ever find yourself across a table holding a Scrabble game, for he is not to be trusted.  Despite vague and repeated threats from him, I have decided it best to expose his irresponsible behaviour (ya like how I threw in that euro-fabu "u" there?). 

Thanks to the wonders of the Canon SD-450 digital camera, we are all able to share in the experience of witnessing the ruthless disregard for the truth!  Notice Toby trying to brush the incident off as minor and a clear case of ignorance for the rules.  Lies!  Cheater!

Oh btw... I have pics of him in his undies.  Anyone wanna $ee?   ;)
PS: There's really nothing to see...  Oh no I di'n't!  Snap Snap!